You gotta know when to hold them,

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And know when to fold them.
But most importantly, you gotta know when to shuffle and re-deal.

See what I did there? My pun-iness must be because I’ve done a lot of emailing with Justine lately, you know how much she and I love playing with words, almost as much as justifying lunch at 11:15am. I’m pretty sure that was lunchtime for the younger kids in elementary school…

Anyway, back to reshuffling the cards. After about a month of sleeplessness, stress breathing and wanting to puke or cry everyday, I decided to move back to Illinois.

Apparently according to a handful of friends and family, this comes as no surprise. I guess I’m ok with that as long as a few things are understood.
Most importantly, this is not the end of my career quest, it’s actually the beginning of the dream career quest-to work in tv near my family in Chicago. I told my sister-in-law that I previously thought I couldn’t get work in Chicago, maybe that’s the reason I moved so quickly, but now I’m ready to put both feet forward and borrow as many clichés from my Mom’s vocabulary to make it happen. Sometimes you need clichés to motivate yourself to take on a challenge.

As for the other reasons, I will never fit in the Hollywood culture. Heck, I hardly fit into any culture, but I just couldn’t handle that one and I’m much too stubborn to believe that would change.
Finally, I’m on the opposite side of financially stable, über broke.

I appreciate every teeny tiny bit of support and assistance I’ve been given by everyone involved in my going from the middle to the left and back.

I’m good at saying thank you, but that doesn’t make it any less true – so thanks.

Especially to that word-loving Justine that managed to write the perfect paragraphs explaining my need to retreat. I’ve forwarded it to the masses.

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Achoo!

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We are doing a little shuffling around here lately, one of our roommates is moving across town and we are getting a newbie to Prospect Property so this afternoon Cynthia and I shuffled around the living room.

While we were doing this one thought occurred, “everything is temporary.” I was mostly thinking this due to the fact that we moved the entire living room around while Linda was at work and are planning on immediately saying “it’s temporary” if she doesn’t like what we did. But that isn’t the only temporary thing on my mind.

If you’ve been reading any of my posts lately, you know I’m not feeling 100% awesome. I will continue to say I am INCREDIBLY lucky and grateful to have supportive friends and family and to have the opportunity to be interviewing actual celebrities this quickly after moving here, but, and I say this with a bit but, that is the only thing I’m truly feeling positive about. I’m trying, I really am, but my mood hasn’t been able to sustain happiness for too long. Hopefully my little trip home this coming weekend will help.

Maybe it’s because “refresh”ing March didn’t do anything for me. I think I was anticipating that whole body and mind refresher to be super awesome. Last year I gave up dessert for lent and think I lost 15 lbs, this year I think I stayed the same or maybe, lost 2 lbs. Yes, I realize that is not at all why we give things up for lent, believe me, I actually think I’ve been more spiritual in the last few months than most of my life, but I was expecting more of a perk on the getting rid of dessert thing for over 40 days.

Maybe it’s because I’m turning 25 in 13 days and I’m not ready. I was actually ready to turn 24. A girl I work with kept telling me it was going to be the best year ever. I don’t know that’s how I would describe it, but I do know it was pretty monumental and I will ALWAYS remember being 24.

Maybe it’s because some of my friends have been through emotional experiences lately and I want to be there for them and then also be with my family.

Either way my theme today is “everything’s temporary,” hmm… should that be my April month? I think I will decide this week.

PS – I was going to write an April Fool’s Day post, but I couldn’t think of a good one – so give me your good stories!

I wake up to text messages a lot

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No, I’m not tremendously popular, and no I don’t get spam texts. I just happen to be very text-y with my midwestern friends and family who don’t seem to do the whole time change math in the mornings.

I’m not complaining, I’m happy to wake up to messages.

Today’s was from my cousin Chrissy. You remember her from OA weekend.

Chrissy texted me this:

“Get your mega millions ticket yet?? … you have to and then when you win you can pay me a ton to be your stylist. And move me and my man/pugs to la.

Deal?”

Deal – of course. I’ve been waiting for Chrissy to be my stylist for ten years. Remember I’m in desperate need of style help most of the time, but this text made me think of what I would do with that kind of money. $500 something million ($300 million something after taxes).

I would absolutely pay off my car (and get it repaired) and all of my student loans. And never have to worry that after my rent and car payments this month, I have less than $150 to my name.

I would not have to start working part-time at the fancy hotel on my 25th birthday.

I would fly in all of my favorite people to celebrate my 25th birthday.

Pay for my grandparents house to be moved from Arkansas to Illinois.

Pay off my parent’s mortgage and reimburse them for my life. (which might be cutting it close to the end of my winnings).

But then I don’t now how my future would change. As I mentioned, I wouldn’t have to work for money, but I would still have the desire to follow my television dreams, so I’m not sure where I would live or what I would do next, though it would be pretty amazing if I could have to worry about that decision.

So I told my mom about Chrissy’s text and she made me laugh as she told me that my dad is already worrying about what till happen WHEN he wins all the money. I can just imagine his thoughts, “when we win the lotto, people are going to expect us to give really good gifts. I don’t want our kids to think they never have to work for anything. Should we get rid of the van? Maybe we shouldn’t tell the grandkids that we are rich…”

Oh Dad, the man who thinks LOL means Lots of Luck.

What would you do if you won? (after you shared some with me, since I made you think about buying a ticket…)

LOL (actually meaning lots of luck here)

Did You Miss Me?

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I did.

If you’ve been waiting patiently for my life update, I’m so sorry to hold you in suspense. If not, then I appreciate your click anyways and will fill you in.

I’m sitting in my room at the end of my, Michelle weekend, which is what I call Wednesday and Thursdays, feeling a lot better than Tuesday afternoon but still not perfect.

Tuesday was weird, I had a throbbing and tickling headache throughout my skull. And chills. And my contact blurred so I had to leave RCT early. Do to my current stressful situation of financial woes, homesickness, and job and life stress, I was ok with the extra 2 hours of rest.

What stress? Well you see, I am faced with some challenges that I didn’t really want right now. Things I would stop in an instant if possible, but what I’m gaining is worth it, at least for the time being.

Also, I’m counting down my bank account again, even though I have a part-time job in a few weeks. But I don’t want to have to start it, and here’s the best part – training weekend = 25th birthday weekend. A little bit unawesome. I’ll survive but I give myself the right to complain a little.

Also, I got in a car accident Sunday on the way to an event. Everyone’s fine except my self-esteem as a good human being. No tickets, no injuries, small bumps and bruises on my car and some bikes, but a whole nother level of stress.

Bright side! Not everything is negative. We finally got a sunny day today, I saw the BEST movie ever yesterday — 21 Jump Street — and I’m helping out at my bootcamp place in exchange for 6 weeks of classes, which I could not be happier about. Good people exist and I want to keep more of them in my life!

At the end of every bootcamp workout, we get in a circle, stretch and answer a question, today’s was, “when was the last time you felt passionate and alive?”

I talked about my second day interviewing celebrities at the Oscar lounge. It was one of those days when you forget to eat, forget to drink, forget to pee — which is big for me — and walk around with a severely broken toe in high heels. That’s what life is about, those moments where you’re happy to be in the moment. Which is why I’m sticking out the negative. But I’m mentioning the circle for a different reason. For the woman, who awesomely is almost 70 and looks under 55, who said something to the effect of, “I can’t think of anything, I’m always feeling alive and passionate. Whether times are rough or great, I find happiness in my family and everyone around me, I try to always feel alive and happy.”

I don’t want to wait until I’m 70 to be her. I think I’ll take that at 25… in 24 days.

The trunk of my car

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smells like beer.

It used to smell like chicken when I brought home extra lunch food from Fear Factor. And something else in between but I just can’t remember what.

You see, as part of “move-on” month, I decided it would be an awesome idea to save all of our recyclables and make some money back from them. As a midwestern, nerdy, little girl, I always wanted to bring my cans and bottles to the states that paid you to recycle — and California gives you the most money back.

Now that I live here I realize that first, they charge you that CRV when you buy the item, so it’s not actually paying you to recycle but more-so making you pay if you don’t recycle, and second, it’s a big pain.

I suppose if we had a recycle bin that might help, or a can crusher, or a garage, but we don’t, so step 1 – I spent a week collecting glass and plastic in the corner of our kitchen. Ok, environmental friends look away… actually it took me about 5 minutes to walk around the apartment and fill two bags with stuff I could bring in… and then that was the weekend/week of roommate bonding, so there were a few added champagne bottles and beer cans in my stash, which brings me to the next, and most important problem:

I CAN’T FIND THE RECYCLE CENTER.

I’m sure your first thought is, “Michelle, I know you’re geographically challenged, but really? You can’t find the recycle center?” The answer is yes. I can’t. First I went to Albertson’s where my roommates thought they’d seen one. Nope.

And not just a regular nope. A nope, I was walking around with three bags full of what can only be described as party remnants in the parking lot and in the store. Then my bag broke and a bottle flew to the ground. That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

So I returned to my car and threw everything in my trunk, because what else could I do? That was all last Saturday. Today I took matters into my computer. I googled the recycle centers and found two near my bank, which I also needed to visit (hopefully not for the last time). Found them, wrote down directions and put the address in my phone.

Then drove around for 30 minutes on the same street looking for them.

My phone just kept telling me I was 1 little minute away going south, then one minute away going north, then south again, then north. Then I gave up. I guess it’s my fault for trying something SOOO difficult, like finding an address for a recycle center. Though, in the eyes of whoever is up there, planning my life today, it was fitting that I was unsuccessful. Today resulted in two failed attempts at jobs, getting lost 3 times, gettings yelled at by a fellow driver, spending money I didn’t plan on or want to, and buying weird gum.

And now that my car has had beer cans, which were not as empty as I thought, in the trunk, my car smells like a bar. I don’t even drink beer.

Oh, well. At least I did my laundry yesterday and this morning I got my endorphins.

Algebra

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is the only thing that’s easy for me to balance.

And that’s just because math was my favorite part of school, well until all those pretend maths got involved. I’m talking about you: trigonometry and calculus… my only C ever.

Back to what I’m talking about, balance. Balancing is really difficult for most people, balancing time, money, health, family, friends, even actual physically balancing on a foot or a uni-cycle or something – pretty difficult. All of these things actually need to be worked on and you have to fail a few times (or more than a few times) to even start to make progress.

The worst thing about balance though, is that it’s everyone’s answers to your problems.

“I want to have more money in the bank… then you have to start balancing your income and your spending”

“I want to lose 10 pounds… then you need to balance your calories in and calories out”

“I want to get more accomplished during the day… then you have to balance your work and free time.”

Guess what? No one has balanced balancing, and now I’ve typed it too much.

Well, in case you didn’t get it yet, I need to work on balance.

I’ve been feeling like such a lost cause since my job ended, because I actually hate this much free time. Even if I wasn’t worried about my finances, my career, my future, etc, it’s still just too much free time. Which has resulted in me wasting time doing dumb things, spending too much money and being upset.

But because I really don’t believe in the art of balancing, I am falling back on what I do believe in and something I know I’m good at – setting and accomplishing goals. You all know I’m competitive, and whether my opponent is myself or someone else, I will do almost anything to “win.”

So here are my goals for the week:

Laundry

Go to at least two job interviews (one is scheduled for Wednesday)

Spend no money unless we go to Costco (and to pay for my laundry)

Get more endorphins

Four goals is a good amount for a week, you do it too and let me know what your goals are. Also, thanks for bearing with me in this super boring post. Maybe I’ll run into a palm tree again or get in a car accident with a faux famous person again.

Move-On

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I have not been following my New Year’s resolutions.

Although I’ve dabbled into “getting out of my comfort zone” and “being the best Michelle,” I’ve also spent time sitting and wallowing in my comfort zone and being a boring, self-defeating Michelle. Enter February.

When I last left you I was going to my 6 am workouts and making money Monday – Friday. Awesome – very January-ish. Then the job ended, which is ok, I always knew it was temporary, and I’m still really thankful that I had that opportunity to learn and make some $$, but I also haven’t been to my class since Saturday.

Because, let’s be honest. Would you wake up at 5:30am if you had nothing to do all day? If it meant you’d be tired and crabby and not hang out with your roommates? No. You wouldn’t. Because as much as health and fitness is awesome, makes you feel better and truly is the best way to start your day, isolating yourself from your best friends and going to bed before 9pm for no reason isn’t. I promise. It makes you much, MUCH more self-pitying.

Enter my current state of ahhh, blah, wahh.

But, guess what? I’m planning to change all that in a bout 12 hours. February will be forever known as (for at least the next 29 days) as Move-On Month. I forget when I came up with this concept, but I coerced my roommates into participating by selling them on how much better our lives will be if we try to “move-on” from whatever is gloomy-izing us.

Between the three of us, we have nit-picking irritants across the board. Like I mentioned, I’m crabby about my career and my lack of motivation and money right now, and Cynthia and Linda have their own qualms to “move-on” from. It’s kinda like a refresher. And we need it and are ready to take over in February.

Wish us luck.

 

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