Did You Miss Me?

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I did.

If you’ve been waiting patiently for my life update, I’m so sorry to hold you in suspense. If not, then I appreciate your click anyways and will fill you in.

I’m sitting in my room at the end of my, Michelle weekend, which is what I call Wednesday and Thursdays, feeling a lot better than Tuesday afternoon but still not perfect.

Tuesday was weird, I had a throbbing and tickling headache throughout my skull. And chills. And my contact blurred so I had to leave RCT early. Do to my current stressful situation of financial woes, homesickness, and job and life stress, I was ok with the extra 2 hours of rest.

What stress? Well you see, I am faced with some challenges that I didn’t really want right now. Things I would stop in an instant if possible, but what I’m gaining is worth it, at least for the time being.

Also, I’m counting down my bank account again, even though I have a part-time job in a few weeks. But I don’t want to have to start it, and here’s the best part – training weekend = 25th birthday weekend. A little bit unawesome. I’ll survive but I give myself the right to complain a little.

Also, I got in a car accident Sunday on the way to an event. Everyone’s fine except my self-esteem as a good human being. No tickets, no injuries, small bumps and bruises on my car and some bikes, but a whole nother level of stress.

Bright side! Not everything is negative. We finally got a sunny day today, I saw the BEST movie ever yesterday — 21 Jump Street — and I’m helping out at my bootcamp place in exchange for 6 weeks of classes, which I could not be happier about. Good people exist and I want to keep more of them in my life!

At the end of every bootcamp workout, we get in a circle, stretch and answer a question, today’s was, “when was the last time you felt passionate and alive?”

I talked about my second day interviewing celebrities at the Oscar lounge. It was one of those days when you forget to eat, forget to drink, forget to pee — which is big for me — and walk around with a severely broken toe in high heels. That’s what life is about, those moments where you’re happy to be in the moment. Which is why I’m sticking out the negative. But I’m mentioning the circle for a different reason. For the woman, who awesomely is almost 70 and looks under 55, who said something to the effect of, “I can’t think of anything, I’m always feeling alive and passionate. Whether times are rough or great, I find happiness in my family and everyone around me, I try to always feel alive and happy.”

I don’t want to wait until I’m 70 to be her. I think I’ll take that at 25… in 24 days.


Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery


You all know my friend Justine. I went to her wedding last year, we lived in a cubicle together, she’s famous, we never talk but always know what’s going on in each other’s lives, I want all of her success to hit me in its own form… I obviously can go on and on.

Well she posted this the other day and I’m copying. Aside from wanting to flatter her, I think my brainwaves are running hamster circles and just giving you short blurbs will help me, so thanks for reading.

1 – My dad sent me a $1 he found in the parking lot of Jewel to play the lottery. Very “Abraham” of us to do that and my whole world will benefit if I win something. I’m not kidding the excitement I would receive of just winning my $1 back the first time I tackled the CA lotto would last at least three days.

2 – Eva Longoria just re-tweeted me. I know, it’s so silly to be invigorated by that, but I am. I know it’s a huge possibility that she re-tweets everyone who compliments her Housewives performance (which by the way was really good, both comically and dramatically in the last episode), or that someone else is doing it for her, but I was feeling stressed and the little snippet of euphoria I got after the RT was the perfect cure.

3 – I bought a bag full of 180 pieces of Trident White gum today. I will be accepting more of these as early birthday presents gum immediately. I’m afraid having that many pieces on hand at once might mean trouble.

4 – I’m back at Fit Body Boot Camp for at least 2 weeks. Irma is awesome. In addition to being super sweet and encouraging, she was understanding when I told her I couldn’t afford her classes and saved a spot for me in the $6, 2 week President’s Day Sale.

5 – I’m 2 weeks into dessert-free lent. It’s not super terrible, but if you told me tomorrow was Easter, I’d be first in line for 1 bag of Godiva truffles and a giant bowl of chocolate therapy from Ben & Jerry’s.

6 – New internship is still going. It’s quite a load of work to throw yourself into, especially since I’m taking on an organizational role. But I’m confident in a few weeks I’ll be more comfortable. I’m sure I’ll still be stressed and I don’t know when I’ll ever feel like I belong in the fashion district, but I will be plugging away writing, editing and reporting.

7 – I feel like I had more to say but interestingly I think I’m done.

8 – I’m not done. I also want to mention all the deja vu and flashbacks I’ve been having lately. Maybe it’s because I’m so close to being 1/4 century old. 39 days.

I lied this morning

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you would have too.

Irma, yes she sounds like a super butch woman or a giant German in charge of prisoners, but she’s not. She’s a super fit little woman who runs the bootcamp I go to. Anyway, Irma tries to make sure she knows everyone’s names, which is very nice of her. She does this by walking up to all of us and asking small talk-ish questions. So this morning she asks me, “Michelle! How was your weekend???!?!” (She’s very cheerful but also super intense – hence the punctuation.)

“It was good,” I replied. Totally the truth.

Then she said, “good – what did you do?”

I feel like I waited the longest pause ever. Was I really going to tell the bootcamp woman that I spent the weekend staying out until 3 am, eating chips (which I hate, right Linda?), drinking wine, tequila and Linda’s vodka/soda, eating more chips, a baked potato slathered in cheese sauce and bacon – and broccoli – mixed with Cynthia’s leftover french fries and chicken nuggets, macaroni & cheese from 7-11, an unknown amount of cheese balls – unless they really all did just end up on the floor – a few Pringle’s, cinnamon rolls, a Hershey’s kiss the size of a small child, ice cream, every sample possible at Costco, flaky biscuits, and some stale M&M’s, while watching endless hours of movies and TV on our temporary line of couch?


I mean, first of all, that would be a lot of information, even for me, to give to a semi-stranger. And also, I’m not gonna own up to all that to her. She can think I really do live on chicken and apples and bust my butt being the sweatiest girl in her class. Which, by the way, there was actual steam coming from my head this morning. That may have been the weirdest thing ever.

So I told her I went shopping.

After the aforementioned super pause, she gave me a weird look, probably because it took me so long to “remember” I went shopping, and said something like, “shopping – fun!” and walked away. When she walked a way I burst into Michelle laughter because what compelled me to say I went shopping?

I have no idea. And that is the only time it’s ok to lie.

(By the way – the weekend was fun. Santa Monica dancing Friday night, 90’s party Saturday night and Golden Globe watching Sunday. If repeated, I’m sure there would be a little less consuming, and hopefully for my roommates, less cheese ball throwing – but hey, I was a really irritating little sister for most of the 90’s, that’s my excuse).

Wishing, hoping and re-gifting

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I currently spend about 10-12 hours on my computer everyday, and yet I haven’t been posting so much. I blame it on my inner worry of getting in trouble – even though the travel coordinator I’m assisting told me I can play on facebook when I have nothing to do. Since I have a bit before I need to get ready to leave, let’s catch up.

You know that I am going to my 6 am bootcamp class – waking up at 5:30 is difficult, but I still like the class, it beats having to figure out how I want to workout for the day, it’s over at 7am, and I’m hoping it’ll do more for me than just running. Let’s be serious, than just running 1 mile and walking the rest while on the phone with my mom.

I’ve also been working again at American Idol as a travel PA, which is almost a too-good-to-be-true deal. I work from 10am-7pm (ish), on a $125/day rate, which is usually for a 12 hour day, there’s food, coffee, water, diet coke and the occasional birthday cake and jar of candy at my disposal. I bring my own computer, and either I’m so busy that the day flies by, or I get paid to order my contacts and play words with friends. Win-win-win situation going on. Plus, this was completely out of the blue. The travel guy – Brian – happened to call me the second day I was back asking if I was free to help. I’m still waiting to hear about the job I flew back to interview for, but so far so good, I’m still in the running. I’m hoping to find out about that this week and hoping, hoping, hoping that I get it because it’s job security for a year!

That’s pretty much what’s going on right now. I need to buy new shoes and get a car wash, but I mean whenever that happens it happens.

My leftover story today is about birthdays. Brian’s birthday was Tuesday and I gave him an adorable little square balloon on a stick and a “birthday story” about my mom running into the secretary from our elementary school who was excited to hear a “Collins story.” I explained to him and the office that I’m poor so my birthday presents are inventive this year. For example, my sister’s birthday was in October and I re-gifted her a brand-new wallet that I wasn’t really ever going to use that happened to be similar to something she was looking for. My brother Tommy is getting a pretty creative present this weekend, that cost me nothing, but Michael’s gift was by far my favorite. Remember when I was spending my days doing audience work? Well, one day on the set of The Doctors, in addition to getting my $20, we got the audience gift – the male version of the shake weight. Despite my love for exercise, I wasn’t planning on using it. But, I knew the perfect person who had a birthday coming up and a goal of shedding some lbs before a vacation in April. Boom – Michael’s birthday present. But the best part is I also gave him the bag of fried onion strips from my airplane salad – to teach him portion control, and half a bottle of energy vitamins that gave me a headache.

So until I become famous don’t expect to be rolling in expensive birthday presents – but you never know when I might re-gift you something awesome.

never ok

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I’m sure I have worn something too small or too large, too short or too long, too ugly or too over-the-top. But one thing I will never be caught dead in, ok I guess it could be a in-the-moment split, but aside from that…

working out in very thin black leggings. with holes in the butt-crack. two days in a row. doing squats.

Please take this into consideration and don’t wear hole-y pants in public. In fact, throw them away.

Let’s Keep This Up, Literally and Figuratively


I just don’t think I’d ever been this happy on January 5th.

According to studies, yesterday, 1/4, it actually the most depressing day of the year. I forget the exact reasoning but it has something to do with the end of the holiday season, putting away decorations and realizing your fat. And the cold, gloominess that most of the world (or at least the US, since I think this may have been a national study) experiences.

Not me! Yesterday was actually pretty fantastic. I started bootcamp, which I’m severely sore from already, but obviously that was going to happen and that means I’m getting my monies worth and getting a good workout which is the whole reason I’m going.

Then I had a great interview for a YEAR-LONG job, that starts at the end of the month, so we are keeping my fingers crossed for that.

But then – boom – I got a phone call about a month-long job working at the American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance office for the travel coordinator, which started today. I think I’ve already made more money this month than the entire month of November. Huge Michelle-style smiles about that.

So I started the job, loved it, loved actually having tasks to do and being good at them. Liked working with people who I met during Hollywood week and you know, not spending the day sitting on my bed talking to my computer. I mean I’m doing that right now, but that’s totally fine when it’s just an hour instead of 12.

BEST PART – it’s 10am-7pm, Monday-Friday. Amazing since my mom and my Chrissy are already booked to come visit the weekend of the 21/22! I mean, let’s be honest my mom is really coming just to see Wicked, but I’m sure Chrissy wants to see my apartment and be a tourist for a day, which I love.

Long story short, happy Michelle, me, is NERVOUS that the ball is gonna drop soon. It has been a really really really really, did I say really yet? Really long time since things have gone well like this for me. Probably not since I started broadcasting school and was told by one of my co-workers that I flipped my happy switch on. I think that was the same week my manager told me he liked bitchy Michelle better than chipper Michelle.

The only slight negative is waking up at 5:30am to go to the classes, but I do prefer morning workouts, just not early bedtime. Bootcamp is an awesome accompaniment to an office job. Being super sore is totally acceptable when you’re just gonna sit and reconfigure spreadsheets, which I nerd-ily kinda love.

This flurry of gleefulness gives me my leftover story for the day – Why I liked the movie New Year’s Eve.

No, I don’t think it was a great movie by any means. It wasn’t that classy and it wasn’t that funny. But, there are so many story lines going on at once that the movie is very entertaining. You are intrigued by each character enough to wonder what happens next and suddenly the movie is over and even though you don’t mind if you ever see it again, you will be put in a really happy and optimistic mood.

I saw it a few days before actual New Year’s Eve and it made me believe that positive things could happen in the new year… it’s kinda working for me. Just hoping that figurative ball doesn’t drop like the one in Times Square.

I apologize for that nerdy pun. It was too oozing with cliché to resist.


My left bicep is making it hard to eat oatmeal

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“Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.”

Sometimes when I work out I feel like Elle Woods. Bubbly, smart and ambitious. Which is great because that’s what I’m going for this year – not exactly that specific, but my two new year’s resolutions are to get out of my comfort zone and to be the best Michelle I can be, i.e. bubbly, smart and ambitious. Labeling my reso the “best Michelle,” is the most positively awesome way to soak up all of those “be healthy,” “stop procrastinating” and “get a job” resolutions into a happier sounding goal, which works much better for me, probably you too.

You know I like to work out and that I also like to pay at little as possible to do anything, so yesterday I bought a Groupon for 6 weeks of bootcamp for $45. Which is probably something I can’t technically afford, but on the other hand, my grandparents gave me $50 for Christmas – spent. They could’ve just as easily given me a hug, so this works better. Plus, if you’re mom, Chrissy, or any of the other 20 people I told some recent stories to, you understand the irony, yes actual irony, of me using that money for fitness classes. Either way I’m excited that my first 6am class was fun and I’m also already in pain. Exactly what I was hoping for. Six weeks from now, February 8th (Stevie’s 25th birthday!) I will be ripped I promise.

Hopefully also employed so that I can continue working out there.

Speaking of Stevie, my leftover for today is about our annual Christmas celebration last week. We celebrated our favorite way with a pedicure and a nice dinner. I love her apartment in Naperville. If only I could host a talk show there, I’d move in next door tomorrow. Well maybe not tomorrow, but sometime in the next few weeks.

We went to the nail place and it really brought me back from LA to suburbia. Granted, I don’t do that much here, aside from find good deals, get my vitamin D in the sun and drive to interviews (hopefully getting the job today!), but I’ve noticed that I am missing those suburban sweatpants women. Luckily they all showed up at the nail salon in Naperville. They were so awesomely dressed that we had to text each other our comments – “Where can I buy her outfit” ” Palatine High School Gift Shop” of the women rocking deep red actual sweatpants bunching at her belly button with a red turtle neck tucked in.

In addition to Mrs. Claus, there were four others waiting in line for us to comment on. I know, sounds so mean, but when you have a best friend for 20 years (yes, 20!) you get to talk like that about other people. It’s in the rules.

We ended our fun night playing Guess Who! and making up ridiculous questions:

‎”Are you making a gay face?” “Yes”…”Are you Bernard?” “Yes”

“Do you look like you cheated on your husband? … Maria…”

This post might just be a ploy to get her to visit… on her birthday when my 6 weeks of soreness is complete.

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